Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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