They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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