He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
