Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
