My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it's like iHOP with fire
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
