Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
