I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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