I haven't been this sober since birth.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
