Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize