omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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