just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
