You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
