hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My liver just broke up with me...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
