Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
