apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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