went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
