I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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