I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The power of my boobs compel you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
