im drinking this country out of the recession.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
