Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
