So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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