i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
