ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You left your phone here
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