You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
40s are totally the cure
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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