I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
