are you still at the devil's house?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
