hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's great music for shaving your balls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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