shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
