The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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