I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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