Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
