I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
