her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
