just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
