he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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