so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
