I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
