I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
