i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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