I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
