Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
