She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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