I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
