My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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