it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
