New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
