this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
