So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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