Small penises have feelings too.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
