i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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