Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
