I cannot find my penis.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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