So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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