i don't like sucking hair
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
