smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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