i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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