Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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