But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
