Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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