I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
