Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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