He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
