Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
