First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
