So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
