Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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