Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
