Its about making memories worth repressing
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
