He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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