we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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