No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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