Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
