She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
