I met the friendliest cop last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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