I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
