Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
