i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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