so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
