first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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