this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
