Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
