This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
