Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?

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(775): View more from Nevada

No, you can still breathe under the balls.

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(713): View more from Texas

Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids

(979): View more from Texas

Ahaha, good shit

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.

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(415): View more from California

I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?

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(917): View more from New York City

I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise

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