Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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