Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
