Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
