Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
