Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
