I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want nice things and good sex
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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