Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
