I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize